Motives is one thing I have studied and learned so much about. It is a subject worth exploring. I love the quote “We examine our actions, reactions, and motives. We often find that we’ve been doing better than we’ve been feeling.” It's the examining part that I find so important. Pain teaches that it hurts when people have impure motives. Pain teaches us that we hurt others and ourselves when our motives are impure. In the manual called The Big Book of 12 step programs there is a wonderful piece of advice.
"At
Step Four we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we
been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Though a given
situation had not been entirely our fault, we often tried to cast the
whole blame on the other person involved.
We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other
man’s. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set
these matters straight. Page 67 "
That right there, is the knowledge we are looking for. That magical advice that when applied to life can make all the difference. Checking our motives, keeping the focus on ourselves, will save the world a great deal of pain.
From the meditation book
Each Day a New Beginning
Being alone and feeling vulnerable. Like two separate
themes, these two parts of myself unite in my being and sow the seeds of
my longing for unconditional love.
—Mary Casey
How easily we slip into self-doubt, fearing we’re incapable or
unlovable, perhaps both. How common for us to look into the faces of our
friends and lovers in search of affirmation and love.
Our alienation from ourselves, from one another, from God’s Spirit
which exists everywhere causes our discontent. It is our discontent.
When souls touch, love is born, love of self and love of the other. Our
aloneness exists when we create barriers that keep us separate from our
friends, our family. Only we can reach over or around the barriers to
offer love, to receive love.
Life offers us the tools for loving, but we must dare to pick
them up. Listening to others and sharing ourselves begins the process of
loving. Risking to offer love before receiving it will free us from the
continual search for love in the faces of others.
I won’t wait to be loved today. I will love someone else, fully. I
won’t doubt that I, too, am loved. I will feel it. I will find
unconditional love.
I shall not pass this way again;
Then let me now relieve some pain,
Remove some barrier from the road,
Or brighten someone’s heavy load.
– Eva Rose York
Illness has helped us better understand the relationship between
those who help and those who need help. Loving help is not prompted by
pity or superiority, but by empathy and shared humanness. Also, we’ve
learned that no one is always the helper or always the one needing
help. We are both. We are bonded to others through what we give — and
what we receive.
I will show my love by helping and being willing to be helped.
I personally really appreciated the meditation reading in One Day at a Time.
One Day At A Time
~ FIGHTING ~
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone …
–The Big Book, page 84
When one goes through life at full speed ahead as I have done, it’s
hard to really step back and look at one’s life. Everything is happening
too fast and each day seems to blend into the next and, before you know
it, the next segment of life seems to take over.
When I began my Twelve Step program, I found myself slowing
down … examining my life … observing those around me … and reflecting on
my past. I began to know who I was and I didn’t like one of the things I
discovered: I was a fighter. I didn’t accept people, places or things
unless and until they met my expectations of what they should be. I
tried to control situations that I should have walked away from. I clung
to people I should have distanced myself from. I tried to manipulate
things that were toxic to me, and make them un-toxic … and, in the
process, did myself great harm.
“We have ceased fighting
anything or anyone,” I felt it didn’t apply to me … because at that
point, I hadn’t categorized myself as a fighter. It took living and
working the Steps to realize that. And it took living and working the
Steps to take the action necessary to stop being a fighter.
Life is calmer now. Relationships are smoother. I sometimes miss the
excitement of going through like as though I were on a roller coaster …
but I won’t go back there. Serenity means too much to me. Fighting is
something I have put away forever.
One Day at a Time . . .
I will direct my thinking and doing to those things in my life which will contribute to a meaningful and pleasant journey.
~ Mari ~
Here is a wonderful thought helps me to know when we get our motives in check, and life can be magical.
Journey to the Heart
Open to Life’s Magic
“I will never forget my mother’s words to me the first time she took
me to the Hob rain forest,” a woman told me, when she learned I was
going there. “We were at the edge of the forest, about to enter. My
mother stopped walking and turned to me. “There’s magic here,” she said.
It wasn’t her words that impressed me. What struck me was the absolute
certainty and matter-of-fact way she said it. It was like she had just
told me, ‘Dinner’s ready,’”
There’s magic in the air. It’s the next place on the journey. It’s
inevitable. We have been clearing the path so we could do more than
merely trudge down the road. The road leads to magic– a magical way of
living. A magical way of being here. The magic in the air isn’t an
illusion, isn’t a trick. You have done your work. You have stuck with
the journey. Now is the time for fun,the time to see and know more of
life’s magical ways.
Walk lightly. Enter the enchanted forest. Look around. Keep your eyes
and ears open. Tell others what you see. The journey to the heart is a
journey of wonder and awe.
“The ancient ones, the trees, are waiting for you,” the woman
said. “When you get there, tell them I said hi.” Open to life’s magic.
It’s been waiting for your call.
Here is another great one: (And yes...I'm kind of attached to meditation books)
Elder’s Meditation
“The Old Ones have always said that no matter who
despises or ignores you, no matter who keeps you from entering their
circles, it is right to pray for them because they are like us, too.”
–Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA
You don’t know how an apple tastes until you taste it. You don’t know
what a fish tastes like until you eat it. You don’t know how it is to
be a woman unless you are one. You don’t know what it means to have a
baby until you have one. So it is with the natural laws. An example: the
natural law of forgiveness says, if you hate someone, pray for the
person to be blessed with happiness, joy and all the blessings of the
Great Spirit. You will not know about this law unless you do it. The
natural law says love others as you love yourself. If you hate yourself
or feel guilt in some area of yourself, you will tend to judge and
condemn your neighbor. You cannot give away what you don’t have. You
teach your children by your example, not by your words. The natural laws
are written in our hearts.
Great Spirit, teach me how to look into my heart.
Checking motives of our-self and being aware of motives of others will help us on our journey, to learn that motives in the wrong direction can cause pain. One of my worst worst motive driven behavior is being people pleasing. I will end today's post with one last thought from a favorite meditation of mine on people pleasing.
The Language of Letting Go
People-Pleasers
Have you ever been around people-pleasers? They tend to be
displeasing. Being around someone who is turned inside out to please
another is often irritating and anxiety- producing.
People-pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our
family. We may not have been able to get the love and attention we
deserved. We may not have been given permission to please ourselves, to
trust ourselves, and to choose a course of action that demonstrated
self-trust.
People-pleasing can be overt or covert. We may run around fussing
over others, chattering a mile a minute when what we are really saying
is, “I hope I’m pleasing you.” Or, we may be more covert, quietly going
through life making important decisions based on pleasing others.
Taking other people’s wants and needs into consideration is an
important part of our relationships. We have responsibilities to friends
and family and employers. We have a strong inner responsibility to be
loving and caring. But, people-pleasing backfires. Not only do others
get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do
not work as we planned. The most comfortable people to be around are
those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves.
Help me, God, work through my fears and begin to please myself.
My final thought is if I please God, if my motives are to glorify him, I should be in a peaceful place.
Pain has taught me that much.
